Who Is He?

He brought me up. He gave me money. He paid for my expenses. He covered up for my faults. He yelled at me when I was wrong. He stood up for me in difficulty. He made me the person I am.

But now, Im 18. I've become the person Im going to be for the rest of my life. He has to STOP treating me like Im a child. I still use his money. I still live under his roof. But Im an adult. If I want to wear low-neck tops, I'll wear them. If I want to drink, I'll drink. If I want to have a boyfriend, I'll have one. If I want to have three, I'll have three. HE DOES NOT DICTATE MY LIFE. HE CAN NOT TELL ME HOW TO LIVE. I a my own person, and I will decide how to live my life.

So thank you, dad, for making me this person I am. But its time you realized you have to let me go now. Let me be who I am, wear what I want, eat and drink what I want. Next time I wear a low top, tell me once, even twice, to "pull it up"; but don't, not ever, tell me to go change it, because I like what I'm wearing, and I'm sorry you don't.

Diets.

Ever since I was a child, I'd been told "You've put on weight, you have to lose it, eat less." My WHOLE, ENTIRE LIFE. And when I look back, heck!, I wasn't fat! Not even on the good side of obese! Just a healthy, pretty little child! I was always told Im gorgeous, but for it to show I need to lose weight. So I tried. My whole, entire life, I tried to shed the excess pounds. But never, not once, did I succeed. Maybe it was because I'm the biggest chocolate lover you will find, and there was NO WAY I could resist a piece of any kind of chocolate lying infront of me (I did an Emotional Freedom Therapy session, at the end I didnt want the chocolate and I was like 'Woohoo!' and the next day it was back to 'Give me the dam thing'). But I tried. Really, really hard.

My aunt (dad's sister) is a fitness trainer. At 40, she's at hot as women of 25 come. She trains all the big stars of Bollywood and makes them look the way they are. So I went to her. Hoping, that things would change.

Last year, I got knee surgery done. Owing to my inevitable clumsiness I had managed to fall on the same knee 7 times. So I went to my aunt to help me make it stronger before I went off to university. For 2 months, everyday barring Sunday, I went to the gym for THREE HOURS. Cardio, pilates, gym, cardio. Monday to Saturday, everyday. You would think I became a stick by the end, wouldn't you? I didnt drop a single kilo. I toned up, of course. My legs had never looked better and I was feeling amazing! But not one kilo off.

Then I go away to university, and come back 10 kilos plus. 10 kilos, in 2 months. My entire family nearly dies of heart failure when they see me. What do they say? "You've put on weight, you have to lose it." Rings a bell?

Its frustrating. Its annoying. Its nerve fucking wrecking. I was always fat. Now Im fatTER. So when you look at me, dont give me those surprised eyes. I see them everytime I meet someone after a while. Its funny, sometimes. I just get bigger, and bigger, and bigger. I cant imagine myself with a guy who likes me for 3 years because I'm "bigger" than him (I wasn't even fat then).

Im still trying, of course. The latest diet on my list is the General Motors Diet.
Day 1 - Only fruits
Day 2 - Only vegetables
Day 3 - Only fruits and vegetables (ahh, you're allowed cooked veges!)
Day 4 (dying, right now) - Bananas and milk (SERIOUSLY? WHY bananas. WHY milk. EW.)
Day 5 (tomorrow should be a good day!) - Chicken and tomatoes
Day 6 - Chicken and vegetables
Day 7 - Uhh, I've only eaten 5 bananas all day, please, my brain isn't functioning.

So at the end of 7 days, we'll see if this one works. If not, well there's another one waiting in line; called Fit For Life. Till then, my body craves sleep, buenos noches.