Growing up, older, moving on with life, forgetting old friends, making new one's, bitching, gossiping, working, socializing, flings, relationships, marriage. Thats as far as I can go. Thinking about kids and grandkids freaks me out atm. But the things before that, everything mentioned, changes people.
I wanted to call a friend up today, to talk to him, just because I felt like, but I couldn't. He was at work doing an internship. And I suddenly felt a pang of depression. I remembered the times back in the 9th grade that I used to be able to call him all day, any day, at any time. And he would pick up and talk for as long as I wanted. Now there are restrictions. I cant call him because he's working, I cant call her because she's gymming, and another million "I cant's". I CANT TAKE IT. There - one more I cant.
And then I realize, this is the beginning of the rest of our life, is it not? Its the start of what is going to happen day after day, week after week, year after year. When does it stop? When do we go back to being restriction-less? Come to think of it, even in the 9th grade I had restrictions - on my bedtime, on hours till I have to be back home, on (no) boyfriends. When we're born, as well, there are restrictions that we dont know of, like the food we're given, the clothes we're made to wear. I don't mean 'restrictions' in terms of a limit, I mean it in terms of a set definition; what you CAN and what you CANT give a baby (or do when you're this old).
When we grow old and retire, unless you're one of the few healthy oldies in this world full of junk-eaters and smokers, you have restrictions upon what you can eat, the medicines you have to take.
Other people are always defining a part of our life. Whether its a small part or a big part, I believe that differs from person to person. Some people like being told what to do. They like following other people around and being a tail to some dog. They like getting influenced by the millions of people around them. Others, don't. They rebel, they are headstrong and they just won't listen. But even then, there is always at least one person (if not more) who they succumb to, listen to, care for, and are influenced by. (usually there are 4 different people towards whom these 4 emotions are directed to, but occasionally it may be one person as well).
Its possible to live as if every man is an island. Thats bullshit. No man is an island, and no man will ever be. Even if they want to; because by the time they realize they want to be an island and start drifting away from everyone, they will have memories of their past which they wont be able to let go. And if someone is forced to be an island, for instance if one is a social outcast, they will always have some good memories to fall back upon and live by. Which is what bothers me. That I might never have any new memories that are as special, as unique as my old one's. Because the people who make up those memories will change, and I will change. I cant seem to let it go.
But fact is, that people change, and memories remain.
That's why, I have to let go.
I wanted to call a friend up today, to talk to him, just because I felt like, but I couldn't. He was at work doing an internship. And I suddenly felt a pang of depression. I remembered the times back in the 9th grade that I used to be able to call him all day, any day, at any time. And he would pick up and talk for as long as I wanted. Now there are restrictions. I cant call him because he's working, I cant call her because she's gymming, and another million "I cant's". I CANT TAKE IT. There - one more I cant.
And then I realize, this is the beginning of the rest of our life, is it not? Its the start of what is going to happen day after day, week after week, year after year. When does it stop? When do we go back to being restriction-less? Come to think of it, even in the 9th grade I had restrictions - on my bedtime, on hours till I have to be back home, on (no) boyfriends. When we're born, as well, there are restrictions that we dont know of, like the food we're given, the clothes we're made to wear. I don't mean 'restrictions' in terms of a limit, I mean it in terms of a set definition; what you CAN and what you CANT give a baby (or do when you're this old).
When we grow old and retire, unless you're one of the few healthy oldies in this world full of junk-eaters and smokers, you have restrictions upon what you can eat, the medicines you have to take.
Other people are always defining a part of our life. Whether its a small part or a big part, I believe that differs from person to person. Some people like being told what to do. They like following other people around and being a tail to some dog. They like getting influenced by the millions of people around them. Others, don't. They rebel, they are headstrong and they just won't listen. But even then, there is always at least one person (if not more) who they succumb to, listen to, care for, and are influenced by. (usually there are 4 different people towards whom these 4 emotions are directed to, but occasionally it may be one person as well).
Its possible to live as if every man is an island. Thats bullshit. No man is an island, and no man will ever be. Even if they want to; because by the time they realize they want to be an island and start drifting away from everyone, they will have memories of their past which they wont be able to let go. And if someone is forced to be an island, for instance if one is a social outcast, they will always have some good memories to fall back upon and live by. Which is what bothers me. That I might never have any new memories that are as special, as unique as my old one's. Because the people who make up those memories will change, and I will change. I cant seem to let it go.
But fact is, that people change, and memories remain.
That's why, I have to let go.
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