The Time Of Your Life

School friends. They're supposed to last....hmmm...forever.

We go off to university, come back on Christmas, in summer, looking forward to rekindling old bonds.

That's what I was like.

And here I am, back in the city I grew up in, and all I do is sort out rumors, deal with fights, and hear new bitching sessions everyday. We're not in school anymore. In school the gossiping and bitching was fine, fun, even (albeit our school crossed all lines and boundaries... The last year of high school, when we were 17 year olds, nothing surprised us. Not cheating lovers, not flings with younger people, nothing.) But now we've all moved on, to our new lives, to university, where no one cares about who you kissed that night or how many people you slept with on this night. Where everyone hangs out, but eventually leads their own life. I like this life. I love this life where I can be part of a group whenever and detach whenever, not having to worry about what rumors are spreading today.

And then I come back in summer. And it all starts over. Just like high school, you say? No. Worse than high school. And I thought that was never possible!

People don't change. You can go live in another country with new people and lead a brand new life, but you always stay the same person in your core. And your past, it never, ever leaves you. People say "Move on, get over it." How do you move on when everyday someone makes a joke about it? How do you get over it when the person is sitting right in front of you, one amongst all your friends?

You mend your life after a bad break-up. You heal your heart after a friend has abandoned you at time of need. But you dont get over it. It stays with you; everytime you find a new lover, every time you make a new "best friend", every time you start trusting, every time you start loving. The fear that, like the last time, this time too will turn out to be devastating, or ruined, if nothing else. The fear stays with you for a long, long time.

I like to believe that one day, a person will come along and free me of these fears, these precautions I take every time I start a new relationship. I like to believe that my school years, even with the gossiping and bitching and back-biting, will remain in my memory as the best time of my life. I like to believe... Because i have nothing else to go by.